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I Don't Want My daughter To Have Sex
I'm a single parent with two girls, a 16 year old and a 12 year old. My 16 year old daughter has a new boyfriend...her first boyfriend, who's very affectionate. I told her plainly that I don't want them having sex. The problem is she knows that I have sex when my boyfriend comes over and argues that if it's ok for me, it's ok for her. I told her that sex is an adult decision but she won't listen to me. How do I prevent my daughter from having sex when I know she won't refuse?

Concerned
Scarborough

Dear Concern,

Saying "sex is an adult decision" to a teenager can backfire because most teens assume that they're adult enough to have sex. Since you are sexual with your boyfriend, you've communicated that it's ok. If you don't want your daughter to be sexual, lead by example and stop having sex with your boyfriend (At the very least be discrete and stay out of your house!.) I do strongly believe that you'll lose credibility, if you don't abstain. Have a heart to heart talk with your daughter about sex without lecturing her; Talk about your concerns, the risks involve such as pregnancy, sexual transmitted diseases, developing a certain reputation among peers, etc.. Talk about (if any) bad experiences or regrets you've had and don't want her to have. Discuss family values and give her a chance to share her opinion. Let her know that she doesn't need to be sexual to keep a boyfriend or feel pressured into it (she shouldn't feel guilty for saying no.) Keep in mind that there's no guaranteed way to stop teens from having sex. All we can do is hope that our values and teaching help our kids make the right choices.

Mr. Oak
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